Manage Your Divorce...
If you decide to leave…
- Be prepared for days when you will not be sure you have done the right thing.
- Recognise that it’s not easy to walk away from someone you’ve lived with for a while.
- Be prepared for the pain your partner will experience, which will take many forms.
- Don’t expect ‘perfect understanding’ from the partner you are leaving.
- Take some time to live on your own before moving in with a new lover.
- Be prepared for family and friends to take sides - and to show their feelings too.
- If you have children remember you will have contact with your ex for a very long time.
- Decide now on a strategy and remember you will have some explaining to do to the kids as well.
- If you have kids make a parenting plan sooner rather than ‘later’.
- Introduce a new partner to your children only when it’s serious and then do it with sensitivity and tact.
- Remember, if you don’t understand what went wrong the first time around, you are in danger of repeating it in a new relationship. The breakup rate for second marriages is even higher than for first marriages.
If you have decided that it is time to go, the next step is to understand the divorce process.
For many people, divorce is all about legal battles. Nearly everyone thinks they are right and their former spouse is wrong. People who are hurting deeply want to punish their former spouse. Everyone has heard divorce horror stories and knows people who have been rendered emotionally crippled following their divorce. But there are more ways to dissolve a marriage than engaging in heated warfare and you need to know all your options.
What does being divorced look like to you? What do you wish to accomplish? Is your focus on money, kids, retribution?
The information provided here will help you avoid some of the common pitfalls by learning to identify what is realistic and achievable in the "here and now" and what isn't. This will save you considerable time, money, energy and heartache while protecting the kids from the emotional fallout.
People often become what they believe themselves to be. When I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. When I believe I can, I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.